Running Away - Part 3/3

Published22 January 2018

Reading Time 3 mins

Author Stories of Nepal

Location Nepal

“My downward spiral was fast. Because I was doing all kinds of drugs, periods without them would mean that I would be physically sick. To sustain my habit, I started scoring directly from Birgunj. I would bring back several hundred grams of brown sugar. I was using it and making a lot of money from dealing. When alone, moments of sanity would haunt me but this would again be overpowered by drugs. When the Birgunj border shut down, I had no stuff to deal. Then, I got hooked to Methadone. I was losing it. I was not making any money anymore, all the money I had saved was gone in a few months. And in no time, I was homeless but I needed drugs just to function. I was living in the streets because no friends would take me in. I knew I had wasted my life and at nights I would cry in desperation. One day the dealer who would pity me and give me some of his stuff to smoke declined. He said, “Only if you let me have sex with you”. I ran away from that place. That night as I lay down in the streets under a tree, I saw my son. He was telling me to come home. And for the first time in my life I called someone to ask for help..._x000D_ _x000D_ ….When I came out of the rehab, I knew I could do anything except drugs. I think it was my son who saved me. It was because of my love for him that I was able to stop. It was not easy. Even though I am sober for many years today, it has been one of the most difficult thing a person can do. You know, what a difficult situation presents itself, there is no where for me to go to now. No drugs to give me that temporary relief. So I have learnt to live with my feelings, my guilts and fears. I accept them and I deal with them. I have slowly found that courage. Today, when I am happy I can feel it. I can finally eat like a normal person and enjoy the food, the sunrise, a good night sleep and my son's laughter. Today, sometimes I walk down the alleys that I spend my days suffering and for a second I see myself still crouched in the corner almost about to die. It sends me shivers down my body and I know that is not me. It is still the same me but something in me has changed. I have learnt that people have the capacity to change. I am one example. And I know I will live. For myself. And for my son." (Annie Sunuwar, Kathmandu)

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