I Felt Impure

(Part 1/3) "I turned 14 this year. It was after many years of silence that I had the courage to run. And it was my own family I ran away from. I left without anyone knowing. By the time some of my family members had found out about the abuse, I had realized that my suffering would not stop. They would feel sorry for me but that was the extent of it. They were not willing to sacrifice their son as a justice for their daughter. How would I tell you this? It is a thing which is shocking and it is also a thing which is hard to believe. It was my own brother who sexually assaulted me. I will never forget the night when he took me into the shed and forced himself onto me. I was going to tell my family but he threatened to kill me. And somehow I felt guilt. I felt impure. I thought maybe this was happening because I was at fault. I felt maybe it was me who was a bad person. Sometime before that, I had lived with my other brother. And he had also done the same to me. Once when it was too much to bear, I had told everyone of what was happening to me. I regretted it immediately. My father exploded into a rage and instead of punishing his sons, asked me to leave the house. I did not. Where would I go? Who would I tell? Would they believe me?"

SoN X Apeiron in Nepal