Facing the sun, living again

Published08 June 2019

Reading Time 3 mins

Author Stories of Nepal

Location Nepal

"I cannot remember where I threw my jacket. I remember my body heating and I remember screaming for my mother. Glimpses of my neighbors pouring water on me are still vivid. By the time I reached the hospital my skin was coming off. It took me a while to come into terms with what had happened. This attack on me was covered extensively by the media but every time the story came out, I found out that the facts were twisted. Some called in a 'love-affair gone wrong'. Some elaborated that the person who threw acid on me was targeted because he was a 'Dalit'. These were all far from the truth. When people were told these lies about me, they began to directly or indirectly question my character. They said my plight was of my making. I realized how quick societies are to pick on girls before they question anyone else. I was the victim and I was being blamed. All of this led me to shut myself in. I was afraid of the society and the words of the people. When and if ever I did go out, I would entirely wrap up my face and put on the sunglasses just to make sure that no part of my skin was revealed. People would stare at me. Some reacted with shock, some with contempt and some with pity. I would always fear about what the other person was thinking about me. Because of my fear I had stopped walking alone. I always felt the need to be protected. I also started feeling that I had burdened my family with the hospital expenses as we come from an ordinary working-class family. I could also see my parents change as sometimes the stress was too much for them to bear. They would tell me "Do not worry, our daughter, we will take you to the best places for treatment even if it requires us to sell our village property. You will be well." I would go to the corner and cry as I felt I was the cause of all this misery... It took me a while to come in terms and face my own trauma. I am slowly starting to recover from the internal wounds of my trauma. Those are the ones that change you. I realized I had a choice. Either to succumb to my depression or to start living a life with the little hope I had in me. After 3 long years in the dark, I have slowly started to come out. I have started meeting people and sharing with them my story. And it has in many ways provided some relief. Slowly but surely the truth has found its way to the mainstream. I also realized that I needed people as I am also a part of this same society. I have decided to take off the covers. I have decided to pick myself up and face the sun. I have decided to live again."

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