"When my husband was around things were different. I suffered less, I cried less. One can only think of good plateful meals when there is someone who can use his sweat to bring home grains. But he is gone. And he is not coming back. It is almost been a year. Days are passing by and I continue to mourn the loss. Everyone else has forgotten. With everything that has happened, I still need to eat. I still need to provide for my family so I go find work. I go with the women in the community. No one has a good life here.
During this lockdown, I had to endure a lot. I am unable to find any work. And the ever-looming fear of Corona. But I have done my best. I have used my mind to collect some money from friends and feed my family. I asked the Sahu for wages in advance for the work I will do for him. When this is over I will have to go work for him but there will be no money in return. I don't know how will I have money to buy food then. It is a big dilemma I am facing. I have four children. Two sons and two daughters. My eldest son has left home to live with his wife. One of my daughters is married and sometimes her husband supports me. One son is still small and a daughter is reaching an age for marriage. I do not have the courage to go and look for a groom for her. How am I going to be able to bear the cost of her marriage? I will have to offer a bed, chairs, tables, clothes for the groom's family. I will also have to offer money. So I sit and worry. I am at the mercy of god now."
