“When I was 6 years old, my sister of 8 years became very ill. After that life changed for her as she was not able to function like anyone else due to her disability. Life also changed for me because I was now the ‘eldest’ of the three who had to take on the responsibility of sharing house duties with my mother and father. My struggle began at such a young age. Although we had land and father tried to grow grains the yield was never enough. I am sure he cried when he saw us sleep on empty stomachs. It was only when I turned 10, that I was admitted to a school for the first time. I wanted to study and have a name for myself. But my dream was short-lived as I couldn’t continue. I had to look after my sister and support my parents. We had a lot of debt that had accumulated over the years. Even though my father and mother were not privileged to have time to spend with us sisters, we understood their troubles from very early on. We had an identical understanding of life and poverty. As a kid heartbreaks were frequent, there were no toys, no friends and no school.

As time passed father’s worries troubled me so I decided to go to India with an uncle at the age of 13, seeking a job. I got a job in a house as a servant for which I was paid 1500 Indian Rupees monthly back then.When I paid off my father’s debt he had tears in his eyes. He said, “I did what a son would not do.” I cried too. My parents were simple and honest people. Even though they could not buy me toys they instilled in me a value of honesty. They taught me good and bad. They taught me never to steal anything from others, and not to lie. I am very sincere and honest. That very attitude of mine helped me gather trust in the new home in India. Having worked for 7 years in that home, I was treated like a daughter. When I decided to get married at the age of 20, they gave me a golden locket and a silver bracelet as a wedding gift.

Even after marriage and being pregnant, I continued working at that home while my husband worked in a hotel nearby. When the first baby was 3 months old, he and I decided to return to Nepal and start our own family. Since we had enough grains at home, I suggested he go abroad seeking jobs, as we need to think about the future of our baby. After he went to Malaysia, I raised the first baby on my own. I feel for the mother who single-handedly raises children without any support from their husbands and the immediate family. My husband came back home after 4 years but he went to Dubai. I was pregnant with my second baby. And I raised him alone too. Please don’t ask me how I did it. It is difficult to describe. Being a mother is not easy and I never had any parenting skills and no one told me what I should do and should not. I emulated my parents. I fed them, I gave them milk, hugged them and that was all. There was an incessant ruckus in the house. The boys were hard to handle but I realized that I was not applying myself well. When I took the parenting class in my community, everything became clear. I realized that the habits of the children are the extensions of the habits of the parents. If you yell, they yell, if you love, they love.

I remember an incident two years ago when my first son was in 4th grade. He has always been weak in maths. You see, I’m not so educated to teach him at home. Despite all the odds, I had admitted him to a private school and extra classes, while still struggling to earn a living. My hard work appeared to go in vain when he failed in Maths. I was so stressed that I couldn’t control my temper and I reacted. He cried a lot that day and I cried because I felt guilty of mistreating my son. After taking the session, now I can see how I could have changed the situation. I could have told him not to worry as people fail and pass exams and that he can always do better if he tries harder. Since it was just a matter of one subject, I failed to acknowledge him for passing in others. If I had counselled him properly and wished better luck for next time, he would have got a different sort of energy.

Just after taking the session on the importance of having close conversations with children, I realised that I need to beg for forgiveness from my son for that incident. So I called my son as he returned from school and told him that we need to talk. He was serious and looked very anxious as he had recently appeared for an exam. He also hadn’t forgotten the incident that occurred two years ago.

Before I could say anything, he took out his report card and said that he had scored 65 out of 100 in Maths, while 40 was the pass mark. I thanked God for not letting the adverse impact etched in his mind that could have stemmed from my action. And at the same time, I begged pardon for the action I took two years ago and promised to never repeat it again.

He was so surprised and happy that tears started to roll on his cheeks. We hugged each other for a moment. I have learnt a lot from that incident and vowed to not repeat it to the second son.”

(Sunsari B, Mahottari)

#BecomingAParentSave the Children in Nepal