Asmita D Mahottari
“I became a mother two years ago when I was only 19. I remember worrying every day and night. “I am so young. Will I be able to care for my daughter properly? Will I be able to raise her to be a good and healthy person?” These thoughts troubled me. No one told me how to be a mother.When my daughter was born I did not know a thing. I am ashamed to say that I treated her like an object. I forced my will on her. She would want to play but I would drag her and feed her forcefully. She would cry. Every time I felt guilty I would console myself by saying that what I am doing was out of love. But today, I realise I was wrong. Love makes you gentle and kind, not stern and hostile. When I took the classes for parents on how to raise kids, I learned many things. Things that I had never imagined. Had I not taken the class, I would have destroyed my girl’s life. But I am glad that I could make changes to my behaviour.I am not forceful with her anymore. I talk to her and I look into her eyes. I try to listen to what she is trying to communicate and I respond accordingly. And I could see the face of my girl light up. I show my love and she sees it and it is a wonderful feeling for both of us. I think every time I show her love, she feels secure and happy. We have now bonded very well. The most precious moment for me is while I breastfeed her. We become one and I feel warm and happy. When she wakes up in the morning and smiles at me when she sees me my heart fills up. I know I mean a lot to her and she means so much to me.
I can see that her emotional health is good. It is because I changed my ways. She is healthier and when people come home to visit they tell me that my daughter looks beautiful and strong. I think it is also because I feed her well. I sing with her and dance with her. I tune to her demands and follow her. It makes me happy and it makes her happy. Every mother and father are humans but sometimes they should all behave like children.There is one important thing that I have also come to realise. Parents should not hesitate to discuss home affairs with their children. I see a lot of parents giving money to a child just to make them happy. Money does not equate to love. This also adds a lot of stress on the parents and the children does not understand the value of money. If the family is going through a financial struggle it is the duty of the parents to inform their child and keep them in the know-how. It is a good thing.
Recently, one of my relatives seeing the bonding between me and my daughter confessed about the deteriorating relationship between her and her son. She said the sons refused to call her mother. I asked her what the reasons might be. She sat quietly. A mother understands another mother. So I told her to try and show love to her son. I told her to hold him, kiss him, be nice to him. That day she went home and I did not meet her for some time. When I met her recently, her face lit up when she saw me. She said my advice had work and that she and her son were not estranged anymore. I felt really good. It felt really good to see a smile on a mother face. I felt happy to be of service.
Giving birth and being a mother are completely different things which I have come to realise only now.”
Asmita D, Mahottari
